I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
