I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
