probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
