I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
