break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
