I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
