I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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