i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
