and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
