Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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