Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
