i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
