we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
