whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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