i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
