I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
