he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Barsexuality is the new black.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
