I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
