So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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