she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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