even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
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How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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