and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
