Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
