remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
