today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
