So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i was born a porn star she said
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
