Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
