pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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