Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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