the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
