turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
