Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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