don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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