found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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