You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
