so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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