but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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