Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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