yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
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