Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
