I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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