I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
