My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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