Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
