I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
