I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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