we're blogging at a bar
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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