eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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