my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
