just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
