Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
