I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
