i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
