Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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