Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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