Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
