were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
