pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
