I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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