I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
