I want to make a zoo with you.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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