I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
