just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
