I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
