btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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