remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's shark week go big or go home
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
