her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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