I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
