alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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