is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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