Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I want to fling myself into the sun
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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