True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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