If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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