im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
