To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
