Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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